Redemption Made A Way...

"We have overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony..." (Revelation 12:11)

You know the girl in high school that was insecure about everything, even things that didn't seem to make any sense? What about the girl that was raised in church her whole life, but never fully committed to Christ? Yeah, I WAS that girl; the girl who HATED the way she looked; the girl who felt WORTHLESS; the girl that cried herself to sleep at night…yeah, that WAS me. I was at a place in my life where I was desperate for hope, but really, I was hopeless; I saw no purpose in life. I began to look for "love" in ALL the WRONG places--I started doing ALL the WRONG things. I felt so alone…but why? I was never really alone. I needed God, but I couldn't find Him…or maybe I just didn't want to...

Elementary/Junior High

In elementary and all the way up to the end of junior high, I was pretty "chunky" I guess you could say...basically I still had baby fat okay (lol)! So as you can imagine, I was picked on in school because of the way I looked; I tried a lot of things that I shouldn't have tried to lose weight, but it never worked anyway--I even tried dieting and exercising, but consistency was not in my vocabulary. Towards the middle of my 8th grade year, I decided I wanted to tryout for cheerleader at one of my local high schools. Problem was: I attended a private school and you had to be enrolled in a public school in order to tryout for cheerleader (stupid, I know). So my parents allowed me to switch to a public school (FINALLY after 8 freaking years lol). During the process of tryouts, as you could imagine, I was obviously stressed out--I was in the gym tumbling (flipping) 8 hours a day, every single day; in a little over a month, I lost 30 pounds without even meaning to! I was looking good...feeling better, and on top of that, I made the cheer squad! Not long after that, I began to notice a lot of guys that went to the high school (upperclassmen) were sending me messages on social networks (Myspace at the time) telling me how pretty I was and blah blah blah...basically they were pumping my head up...telling me what I longed to hear. So yeahhhh...you know I was feeling really good and I just thought I was the stuff...I had never received so much attention in my whole entire life! During the summer going into my Freshmen year, I began to develop relationships with these guys over the phone/computer and what not--by the time I started high school, I pretty much "talked" to a bunch of upperclassmen. 

High School 

Sooo my first day of high school: okay so you know on Mean Girls when Cady (Lindsay Lohan) is walking down the hall of her high school after she was accused of pushing Regina George in front of the school bus...and everyone is staring at her and whispering about her?? Yeah so basically that's what happened to me on my first day of high school....tragic, I know! Long story short, no girls really liked me because they thought I was "messing" with their boyfriends or whatever...which was so not the case at that point in time. So the girls that didn't like me started spreading rumors about me--the guys that I never talked to in my life started spreading [nasty] rumors about me...I wanted to move schools within the first week of my freshmen year. I was hurt, depressed, confused--I didn't understand why people would make up such rude rumors to ruin my reputation...I mean I was only a freshman in high school and my reputation was already ruined behind things I never did! Later on, I decided that I didn't give a crap anymore...people were already spreading false rumors about me...I thought: might as well do what they were accusing me of (which was not good). So I began to not care and I started doing things I shouldn't have done...I got into some relationships I shouldn't have gotten into: I was embarrassed, manipulated, and cheated on. In the 11th grade I lost my virginity because I was embarrassed by the fact that 9th and 10th graders weren't virgins...and I was still wearing my purity ring. I cried myself to sleep that night because I knew it was wrong...but I kept trying to make myself believe it was okay because I was "in love" and I would marry the guy someday (yeah freaking right). I began to go to parties and do the things people would do at high school parties--I was a complete, SLOPPY mess. What happened to my Christian morals? What was I becoming..or should I say WHO was I becoming? I was supposed to be a follower of Christ, but instead I was a follower of the world...I was living in the world (the bible clearly states to not be conformed to this world).

Anyhow, I "somewhat" got back on track with "trying" to live a Godly life. The summer of my senior year, I went to church camp knowing that would be my last year because the following year, I would be attending college in another city 5 hours away. Let me get to the point: basically, I was at the altar worshipping and God revealed to me that I needed to not move off and go to college. Of course I was stubborn and tried to ignore it, but ended up coming to the conclusion that God wanted me to stay home and attend college, but I didn't quite understand why (then)...

"THE" College Life

I decided since I wasn't moving off to another city, I would at least move out of my house and onto campus...let me just tell you...that was the WRONG decision. I was trying to do the "right" thing, but it seemed to be so hard..blah blah blah that's a lie...I wasn't TRYING hard enough! I wanted to live "THE" college life like everyone else--I wanted to be a follower. I could honestly go on and on about the many times I went back and forth between living in sin and "trying" to do the right thing (lukewarm Christian; Rev. 3:16), but I rather not bore you with same scenarios over and over again. I was being disobedient--I just wanted to do my own thing and have fun...what I was doing was taking advantage of the grace of God.

At that time, I was in a relationship that was gradually falling apart; sooner than later, it fell apart...what I "thought" was my future was gone. I was DEVASTATED. HEARTBROKEN. CONFUSED--I was an EMOTIONAL WRECK and everything else you could possibly think of. I was literally sick to my stomach--I didn't eat anything...I couldn't eat anything; I stayed in my room all day everyday with my door locked..my face planted in the pillow crying all day and night. My parents were praying hard; my best friend was praying hard; the people closest to me were praying hard....but I seemed to be hardly praying. One night I was talking to my best friend and she just started to declare things over my life and told me all I needed to do was to pray and ask God for peace. That night I prayed and cried out to God more than I ever had in my whole entire life; I told Him how much I needed Him and how I couldn't endure the pain any longer. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep praying, but when I opened my eyes the next morning, I felt like a totally different person. God gave me this peace...a peace that surpasses all understanding...a peace that calms the most violent storms--He had completely transformed me into a new person over night! My whole outlook on life had changed; I knew that I was a daughter of the Most High King and he deserved ALL of me. 

A Woman After God's Own Heart

So later on, I discovered the reason God wanted me to stay home. Well, technically I didn't "discover" it..it was actually right in front of my face the whole time...I was just too distracted to notice it! I honestly couldn't tell you were I would be today if I didn't decide to stay home for college...BUT GOD came to my rescue...He took me out of a dark and lonely place. 

I am now:

• A full time online college student.
• A student at a bible institution.
• A full time Intern for my church.
• A Worship Leader for my church's main services.
• The Worship Leader/Director over our Youth/Young Adults Worship Team/Band.
• The Director over our Youth/Young Adults Outreach Ministry (founded by my Youth Pastor). 
• In the process of establishing a Nonprofit Organization to be able to travel all around the world with my best friend and minister to people.

If I look back on my life at everything I've been through, I can tell you that I wouldn't have made it to where I am today without the grace and mercy of God. I look at all that I've accomplished at 20 years old and I just thank God for the doors of opportunity He's opened for me. Right now, I am at a place in my life where I'm just basking in God's presence; falling more and more in love with Him everyday.

I my heart is in the hands of the Almighty God, and He will place it in the hands of a man who He believes deserves it. "A woman's heart should be so lost in God, that a man must seek Him in order to find her." 

TAKE this WORLD and GIVE me JESUS...

Daddy. Master. Savior. Lover. Best Friend. Redeemer. Comforter.

Healer. Strong Tower. Mender. Forgiver. Giver. Provider. Protector. 

Peace. Love. Joy,

                          Magan Fontenot